


Alive

by blooming_Ednae



Category: Steins;Gate
Genre: F/M, tumblr prompt requests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-11 17:49:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15977375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blooming_Ednae/pseuds/blooming_Ednae
Summary: "Like the chaos and cosmos, there was a delicate line that they shouldn’t have crossed, but nevertheless intertwined."For a tumblr prompt request: 'If I kiss you right now, I won't be able to stop.'





	Alive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sechzehn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sechzehn/gifts).



> For tumblr prompt request: "If I kiss you right now, I won't be able to stop". Requested by two anonymous, and Feelstina!

“What time is your flight tomorrow?”

Without looking up, Kurisu turned the page of her book still seamlessly reading the words on the page as she did so.

“At 5 pm. I wanted to take my time getting to the airport tomorrow with no rush.”

At her response, she heard him hum in response with his low voice.

“Is that why you’ve made no move to leave this lab yet, Assistant?”

At this, Kurisu glanced at her phone quickly and silently grimaced. True to his implications, the clock shown a blaring “01:47” on her display screen; had the time passed that quickly?

She shook her head. “Hashida left late too. Didn’t he just leave an hour ago?”

She heard him mockingly laugh in a low tone and it was all she could do to hold back an eyeroll as she braced herself for his next comments.

“Hm, you really are a prodigy, experiment-loving girl if you can’t even tell the time when my super hacka left. So suitable as my assistant.”

Kurisu sighed. “Again, Okabe, I am not your assis-”

“Daru left four hours ago,” Okabe interjected, much to Kurisu’s distaste. She glanced up at him, noticing the slight change in his voice and found him staring out the window through the blinds, eyes unreadable. It was slight, but she knew there was some sense of worry in Okabe’s tone of voice; she’d gotten used to his roundabout way of showing his care for others, after all.

Okabe glanced at her as she shut her book (seemingly a thick Western book, as usual) and watched as she rubbed her temples, clear weariness engulfing her slowly. Crossing his arms, he leaned back into the computer chair he was sitting on and grinned.

“I think this is your cue to retire for the night, Christina. But it’s so late, unless you were planning to sabotage me in my sleep as an agent of the Organiza-”

“Who’d want to spend the night with you?” Kurisu spat back quickly, glaring. “I just got lost in my reading, that’s it. I should get back to my hotel, though…”

Kurisu fell silent afterwards, but made no move to gather her items. It was an obvious action; hesitancy and thoughts were overcoming her as she debated on how to get back to her hotel without having someone go with her and it was something Okabe knew all too well. After a moment, she stood up and grabbed her phone, sighing to herself and pushing the hair out of her face in an attempt to rub the weariness out of her eyes.

“Stay the night.”

Kurisu abruptly stopped in her tracks and opened her mouth to remark back, but was cut off immediately.

“It’s not like you haven’t before,” Okabe quickly said. She didn’t miss the flush of red that quickly showed on his cheeks and she shook her head.

“T-That’s true, but things are different now…!” Kurisu stuttered, averting her eyes from his gaze. “A-and besides…I should probably pack…”

“Ah…”

An odd silence filled between them once more. Kurisu shifted her weight on her feet, but made no effort to move towards the door; physically, she knew she had to leave, but emotionally…her heart wanted to stay where it was.

It’d be another six months until she saw him again. They began a cycle of alternating visits where she’d visit for the summer and he’d visit for the winter and while it had worked so far for the past two years, each departure was never any easier.

She couldn’t remember who first brought up the idea, but it was something she looked forward to each time; Japan had all the lab mems and a culture she was so used to. She was lucky to have a conference or exchange classes to attend to each summer within Japan that the University helped pay for her ticket each time; of course, that didn’t go unseen by Maho, who teased her every once in awhile for “fooling” the school into thinking she was there for work (and she was, really…at least half of the time).

In the very least, it helped closed the distance between them. Between phone calls and video chatting, the virtual image never added up to the physical presence of an individual, and that was confirmed every time she saw him in person, donned in his same ridiculous white lab coat and khaki pants.

It was silly, really; for her, to fall in love with someone completely opposite of her. But as time passed and after listening to Maho’s jabs and Mayuri’s unusually, high perceptive comments about their relationship every once in awhile, it became evident to her that Okabe was everything wrong and right for her.

He was sarcastic, rude, unkept at times, had an unhealthy diet, still had a chuunibyou complex, and was never straight forward with his emotions. It was hard to understand his true intentions and difficult to pin him down when he mentioned what he wanted vaguely, and there was only so much she could decipher with the evidence before her.

But despite everything, despite how frustrating he made her feel most especially with the constant name-calling, she knew he was a lot more honest than she first took him for. There were genuinity in his texts when he’d message her, honesty in his eyes that would usually contradict his name-calling when he’d try to cover up how he really felt, and a determination in his expressions as she noticed he tried to keep up with the long-distance, despite it being a first-time experience for the both of them.

He was actually smart (much to Kurisu’s surprise and his offense when she admitted that to him) and knew a lot more than she took him credit for. And in the past few years that they’ve kept up the relationship, it became increasingly difficult to leave him after each visit; his piercing, gold eyes always had the same look of affection each time she stared at him, his sharp jawline with the minimal facial hair he just never seemed to shave always grazed her each time she was brought into his embrace, and his arms encompassed her at the end of the visits, each one always being a little longer than the first.

She did indeed love Okabe Rintarou, even though she denied it each time.

For Okabe, saving up to visit America once a year had been difficult the first time, but after the first year, he found himself looking forward to it and during the second time, saving didn’t become too much of a hassle (though that did require some setbacks in any new future gadgets to be invented since he didn’t have the extra pocket money to fund that). It started to become a habit to save up and refuse to participate in any other extra activity that didn’t involve a necessity such as school or family needs.

At first, he chided with himself; who was he, self-proclaimed mad scientist, actually doing  _normal_  things and saving up money for a girl? Most of all, on his assistant and someone he should merely look down upon?

He was, indeed, going mad.

But as the years went by, it became a natural acceptance to him. Of course, she was everything that he never thought would end up being with; a prodigy from America who was working on her graduate degree who had a stable job within a highly prestigious research laboratory in the science community. She was witty, straight-forward, and completely level-headed, unlike him; but despite everything, she was the only one to stand up to his irrationationality.

Just like that, it hit him like a storm that she was everything he admired and adored.

At first, his parents didn’t believe him; of course, he didn’t blame them, he was a little…odd, anyway. It wasn’t until Mayuri, through the goodness of her own heart, confirmed all that he had to say about her that they slowly began to believe him. They called Kurisu an “angel” for putting up with Okabe’s antics (whatever that meant).

Even his own classmates didn’t believe him, not that he wanted them to know, anyway. A few caught on when they noticed he and Kurisu conversing comfortably after a conference during one instance, with some still in disbelief, until one fateful day during lecture when his phone accidentally rang during class. It was his fault, really, for not putting it on silent mode (but he still blamed his assistant for his embarrassment) and even the professor was in disbelief as he stared at the caller ID. When asked what his relationship was to  _the_  Makise Kurisu, he had no choice but to honestly answer the professor, causing a wave of hushed commotion because how can someone as lowly as Okabe Rintarou be dating  _the_  prodigy Makise Kurisu?

In all honesty, even he didn’t know still. All he knew was that he was very much in love with every fiber that made up her being, all the good, bad, and tsundere moments. There was a quiet calm in the way she explained theories he marveled, yet an opposing loudness in the way she would debate with him, eyes full of mixed fury and affection.

It was all so very confusing, he concluded. She was beautiful, affectionate, intelligent, selfless. And for some reason, she returned everything he felt in a mutual binding.

He had jumped world lines and defied the laws of physics itself to be with her. In the end, they were two people that were never meant to be, but everything that created a beautiful balance. Like the chaos and cosmos, there was a delicate line that they shouldn’t have crossed, but nevertheless intertwined.

And that’s why, within the small apartment laboratory space, the difficulties of leaving laid a heavy burden. The air was thick with unspoken, clear emotions and as her amethyst eyes clashed with his gold ones, it became evident that they both were thinking the same thing:

_Don’t leave._

_I don’t want to leave._

“I…”

She was the first to break the silence. She had never been one to oppose rationale with emotions, but it suffocated all thoughts she previously once had. Even as she walked across the room and slowly embraced him, the emotions took over all other thoughts she had of leaving and even more so as she felt him wrap his arms around her waist, a secure hold on her and her heart.

She could hear his heart beating in perfect rhythm, something she never grew tired of hearing. It was a simple, biological beat, working in synonymous sound to pump the blood necessary to the rest of his body; honestly, it was all just science that caused that heart beat.

But the small change as it increased in pacing when she leaned into him and the way he kept a steady hold on her…these were things she could call love and things she caused in a way.  

As she pulled away from him, her hands now relaxed on the collar of his lab coat with his arms still wrapped around her waist, she glanced up at him and realized he still was staring at her as if she’d disappear any second. She’d noticed it before in the way she’d randomly find him staring at him during other parts of the day, but in that moment in particular, it was stronger than most. Smiling softly, she patted the collar of his lab coat to ease out the tension.

“Hey, it’s…not going to be that long, so…”

She trailed off as she noticed he began to lean towards her and almost instinctively, she licked her lips and swallowed, feeling the grip on her waist slightly tighten. Within a second, however, she noticed him pull back and slightly loosen his grip and he looked away, embarrassment tinging his cheeks once more. It was unusual, she realized; not only did he initiate, but almost all at once he pulled away. It shouldn’t be a surprise to her, but it also left her puzzled, until he finally lifted his head. Still averting her eyes, he sighed.

“I’m sorry, I just…if I kiss you right now, I won’t be able to stop.”

She shivered; he spoke in such a low voice tone that was barely loud enough for her and him to hear. Despite no one being in the apartment, it was said so delicate and straight-forward all at once, that it nearly caught her off guard.

Her cheeks were red, she knew. She had to get back to her hotel and pack, she knew. For crying out loud, it was probably past 2 am and she was leaving tomorrow-

So when she wrapped her arms behind his neck and brought his face closer to hers, she threw all rationale out of her mind just for a moment to share with him.

“…then do it,” she whispered. “And don’t stop.”

“Just,” she said, as she connected her wavering eyes with his, “just kisses. And please…be gentle, okay?”

She didn’t know if he responded or not after that; the next moments blinded her inhibition as she felt him close to her, moving in tandem with her pacing, and as gentle but fierce as she had expected from him. The space between them closed and as her mouth was locked with his in perfect harmony, and she realized she couldn’t have asked for a better moment with him. His arms locked around her waist without suffocating her and gripped her emotions much further than previously, feeling the intimacy between them only rise within the small lab apartment.

As he held her, it was an interesting feeling, he concluded in his head, to be doing something considered so normal in their day and age, but as he reciprocated to Kurisu’s desires, he realized this was something that was so different and unique. The bond which he felt with her only increased and as she pulled away briefly for air only for him to close the space once more, it became evident that they only needed that moment to defy what was considered normal to everyone else.

Their bond itself was not normal; they were never meant to be in the first place, but they crossed all bounds and stood to defiance.

Inwardly, she laughed to herself, as she felt like a teenage high schooler being so giddy around him as he continuously came close to her. It was almost childish, she assumed, and even letting a man get this intimate with her was beyond all adult reason (in her mind’s opinion); but even as he pulled away and began to trail kisses down her neck, through half-lidded eyes, she concluded she’d let it go this time.

After all, a perfect, chaotic balance in her mind never made her feel so alive. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus: 
> 
> “Ah, Kurisu-chan, did you need some ointment? We can’t let you go on the airplane right now with that bruise.”
> 
> “Ah, Mayuri-chan…I don’t think that’s a bruise…”
> 
> “Amane-san…!!”
> 
> As Yuki repeatedly apologized to Kurisu for her slip-up leaving a confused Mayuri, Kurisu instinctively pulled up her button-up blouse’s collar and glared at Okabe, who avoided her eyes and was being chided by a disgruntled Daru.


End file.
